We were drinkin’ in the living room,
Gin-drunk spinnin’ – place felt like a tomb.
She was supposed to get married,
But her mind got carried
Away by the fleein’ groom.
Half an hour waiting – we thought we were done –
Then she asked “Boys, where’s the shotgun?”
We slurred “Baby, don’t ya’ do it,
Darlin’, you’ll a’rue it” –
She replied “Girls just wanna’ have fun.”
So she hiked up her weddin’ dress
– Her legs bled unhappiness –
She climbed each and every stair
Sreamin’ “Goddamn, I don’t care,
I’m gonna’ make a fuckin’ mess!”
We all jumped up – well, we stumbled –
And I’m sure that we all mumbled:
“Get a grip on your head!”
“Ya’ don’t want him dead!”
As after her we up’n’tumbled.
Top of the stairs – she was in the Master,
Even in high heels, the gal ran faster.
She found the gun box,
Bare hands – Ripped off the locks,
And armed herself like a pastor.
And though we wanted to intervene,
Her eyes were flamin’ a burnin’ green.
She looked damn venomous
– Or maybe just envious –
Most terrifyin’ thing we’d ever seen.
She barged right on past us with rage,
Hoped in the truck – didn’t even check the gauge –
Hollered “Someone take the wheel!”
And we were bound to the ordeal,
It was too late to disengage.
So I hopped into the driver seat,
And I could hear her throbin’ heartbeat,
Poundin’ with fury,
She was pantin’ “You’d best hurry!”
And I stomped the gas pedal with my feet.
We barreled down frontage road thirty-three,
Rest of the clan starin’ forward at me,
Didn’t want to be part of the murder,
But the boy had hurt her,
Revenge is part of bein’ a Western family.
We were three miles outside of town –
When sis – still in her weddin’ gown –
Saw her husband-would’ve been,
Her face grew a grievous grin,
That said “We ‘bout to run this bastard down.”
She perched the blaster right ‘bove her hip,
Blew a kiss from her bottom lip,
Didn’t even peer down the sight
– Just shot through the night –
And we saw the tuxedo boy take a trip.
He fell flat on his well-dressed chest,
Sis said “I’ll take care of the rest”
Opened the door, over joyed,
And like Pretty Boy Floyd
She brought murder back to the West.
A truly savage bit of blood-shedding.
Damn near brutal as a French beheading,
But she strolled back to the truck
And sighed “Well fuck,
Now that’s what I call a shotgun wedding.”